Here are some relationship dealbreakers from single men and women on Ask Reddit.
1. If they put a whole lot of stock into zodiac signs, it’s a good sign we aren’t going to agree on a lot of things.
Especially if they try to excuse their behavior with it like, “Sorry I was being bitchy, it’s because I’m a Virgo.”
No Linda, you’re just bitchy.
2. Cheating. Being okay with cheating culture, admitting to having cheated before, laughing/egging on friends into cheating.
Some people can give second chances, but I’ve been bitten by too many people to bring myself to trust someone who can cheat. I need a partner who believes as strongly as I do in loyalty and monogamy.
3. People who are not good at a macro level. Like being a loving girlfriend, but leaving a tub of ice cream on a random shelf at the grocery store, because who cares about strangers?
4. When they constantly outdo you. Have a good memory? Theirs is better. Had a shitty day? OH IT DOESN’T EVEN COMPARE TO THEIRS! Like seriously, calm down. Its not a competition.
5. If she’s proud of the fact that she doesn’t read books.
6. Jealousy. Either you trust me or you don’t. If you think I’m gonna get rid of the few friends I have to make you feel better then you’ve got a storm coming.
7. If they don’t take care of themselves. I want a partner and someone who will push me to be a better person, not someone I have to look after.
8. Not being willing to work through conflict quickly. Every couple fights and some issues are legitimate reasons to be upset, but if you refuse to discuss it with your partner, a small fight that should take 15 minutes could turn into a fight that lasts for days. You may not like arguing, but putting it off till tomorrow sometimes makes it much worse.
9. Someone that’s always stressed. Especially the kind of person that says it’s okay to be stressed out, its good for you. It’s really not. I’m a very chill person and sure some things stress me out, but I’m not a stressful person. I will deal with the situation as it arises. I’ve known people that will stress about every tiny thing, like what to eat for Friday, when its Monday. Or, my favorite, “why didn’t you call me, I thought you were dead!”
10. Being close to exes. I am not part of the “it’s super healthy” crowd. I think it’s weird and unnatural.
11. Being a cheap ass. I had a boyfriend who would complain if I got a soda when we went out to eat instead of water, refused to tip anywhere we went, and tried to get free food all the time.
12. Being on the phone 24/7.
I don’t know if my ex still liked me and I honestly was with her for so long that I forgot if she had her phone out during our first dates but that shit got to me which lead to me dumping her.
I fucking hate it. If you want to be on the phone, why are we even trying?
13. If we can’t both talk, and enjoy silence. Like, I should be able to talk to my partner for hours on end without ever feeling like we’re just killing time. And I should be able to sit and read next to them for hours without saying a word and just enjoy their presence. It’s a lot to ask, but when choosing someone to share your life with it pays to be picky.
14. If they have kids that’s fine but if they don’t take care of them that is a deal breaker.
15. Incapable of introspection, which seems to be a bigger problem now than it used to be. Things will turn to shit eventually, and it’s up to you both to pull up your britches and work through it. Most problems can be solved through introspection – but none can without it.
16. Having different political views (which involves many aspects).
17. Only talking about themselves.
18. Using me as a target for anything. Pranks, jokes, bad moods, sarcasm.
I want a lover, not a personal bully.
19. If she is a super picky eater.
Ok, hear me out… I love to cook, and sharing food and recipes is a big part of my family dynamic. Nothing would put me out more if I made a dish and she wouldn’t even try it because there are so many foods she just WON’T eat. I understand if someone has a handful of foods that they really don’t like, and I try to be considerate. Just not like entire aisles worth of food.
20. This wouldn’t have mattered to me at age 20, but it is a dealbreaker from age 30 onward: Being a saver/investor and not spending more than they earn.
It’s okay to have some frivolous purchases, hobbies, or travel expenses, but I don’t want the stress of being with someone who can’t balance those “wants” against the need to save and manage their finances for the future.
21. Anyone who falls back on typical gender stereotypes when they fuck up. Like, if someone acts possessive or overly clingy to a problematic point and says “this is how girls are” or “don’t you know how girls work?”, then I’m not here for that.
I want someone who recognizes their individual responsibility and can own their mistakes, because that’s what I strive to do as I deal with my own issues. Personal accountability is a huge thing I practice in my life and I won’t accept anyone that uses shit like this to excuse mistreatment. I want to be with someone who owns their actions and communicates with me when we have problems.
22. Dirty bathroom or just a dirty house in general. Usually means they don’t care much about personal hygiene either.
23. Bad music taste. Can’t connect without relating through good music.
Not only is it a red flag for insecurity, but it also means they are superficially judgmental, and shallow.
25. Someone who only ever points out all the negative things and makes you doubt yourself. You should lift each other up, however that may be (laughs, talks, discussions, challenges…).
26. Lack of ambition whether it be in work or their education. I personally am pretty goal oriented and am aiming to provide for my family in the future so I look towards the future a lot of the time. I like making goals for my life about stuff we’d plan to do in the future as motivation to work hard for each other.
Also if they have double standards. I just wouldn’t like the idea of my partner believing they are allowed to do something but forbid me from wanting to do the same.
Lack of humility or communication. If they can’t apologize, knowing they may have said/done something overtly insensitive when upset it’s not worth getting hurt and sweeping it under the rug. The same goes with communication, if they can’t talk to you properly when upset or aren’t willing to talk about the issue in their relationship it won’t be good for either of you.
27. Too many piercings. I don’t mind a few on the ears, but if you’ve got a nose ring, tongue, lip, eyebrow, nipple or whatever else, not to mention those huge gauge things in the ears… it’s a no for me
28. Always playing devil’s advocate, or taking the counter-point position in every conversation or discussion is absolutely exhausting. Every topic turns into a debate or argument.
29. Lack of empathy, especially towards elderly, children, and those who are clearly suffering.
Also people who don’t like dogs.
30. I don’t want a woman who’s a damsel in distress. A girl who can take care of herself and even watch my back is pretty nice to have in a life or death situation.
31. Posts too much on social media.
32. Someone who lacks any opinion of their own. I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be agreeing with me on absolutely everything. Even when I asked him a question he’d work a way around it to get my answer first and then agree with it. Once I figured out what he was doing I started evading answering any questions until I figured out his opinion and then I would just say I felt differently or preferred something else and suddenly his opinion would immediately change to match mine.
I am in no way someone who enjoys arguments or disagreements. But its okay to have different opinions and preferences. Healthy, even. I can’t imagine being happy with someone who pretends to prefer something just because I do. I’m not sure how that other person could remain happy in a long term relationship.
33. Talk shit behind people backs and then be all nice and fake to their faces.
34. Had a guy tell me “I’m not your therapist” after asking how my day was. If we can’t have clear communication, it’s over. I had an awful day, and I was honest about it, just to have it thrown back in my face. I was so shocked, I thought he was joking… it was two months or so into the relationship. You think you know someone.
35. They have no hobbies.
36. No appreciation for dark humor, and can’t stand cursing.
Sorry but it’s how I cope with the shit I’ve had to deal with and am currently dealing with. I won’t curse around children or good company – I am able to filter myself extremely well but if there’s a mild inconvenience (and I’m allowed to due to no requirement for proper etiquette) I’m probs gonna drop the most unenthused “shitballs” or a “fuckberries” remark to it and just continue on doing w/e
37. Regular smoker or vaper.
Drunk on Friday and want a cigarette cool. But doing it everyday is too much.
38. When a guy tries to control you when you’re barely in the talking stage. Boy bye.
39. Lack of confidence/constant need for validation. I might sound like an ass for this but being confident in who you are and the decisions you make are a huge deal to me. That also ties into the ability to actually make important decisions and not be indecisive about everything. I’m a firefighter and being able to make quick decisions that could have serious consequences is a huge part of my job, so having someone else who can make a quick, confident decision is a big deal.
40. Spoon biter. Like when you put the spoon in your mouth I don’t need to hear it click your teeth.
41. Not being kind to animals.
You don’t have to fawn over every bunny you see or be a militant vegan or anything, but if you find the idea of dog fighting acceptable, or think cats are pests that should be trapped and killed (plenty of people subscribe to this belief in my town), then we’re not going to go far.
42. Poor financial discipline.
If you have a large student loan to pay back and lots of credit card debt, I’m cool with that if you’re actively paying it all if and not buying a ton of junk you don’t need.
43. Condescending – once dated a dude that literally knew everything about anything, it was something that attracted me to him at first, but when we’d talk about stuff if I got something even slightly incorrect or read from a news source he didn’t seem worthy he would be pretty nasty about it and I didn’t want to freely share my thoughts anymore.
44. If they’re really talkative and extremely opinionated about every. little. thing. I’ve dated someone like that and he drove me up the wall every day.
45. Throws things when they’re angry and also not taking responsibility for their wrongdoings.
Especially the anger. Went through a not so good childhood with things being thrown and slammed out of anger. Can’t handle that as an adult.
46. Among more obvious things (child molester, puppy kicker, lack of sense of humor, etc), someone who doesn’t bother helping out their friend, partner, or other loved one when they need it. An example, if I go to the store, carry the groceries in, cook the meal that we both eat, I think it’s fair that a potential partner willingly wash, dry, and put away the damn dishes. The reverse is also true.
47. Sense of humor. If you don’t laugh or make me laugh, why are we even trying?
48. Thankfully, I’ve never had this issue come up, but I don’t think I could ever date a guy with the same name as my dad or brother. It’d be way too weird for me.
49. Bad hygiene.
50. Lack of a normal amount of self-awareness. My friend’s gf will ask/say inappropriate shit at the worst times and peg it as her just being “weird, quirky, and going against mainstream social norms”. Or she’ll say “I’m just an honest person” to justify her saying pretty rude, explicit or dumb things that make everyone uncomfortable. It probably all comes from insecurity and needing to positively flip parts of herself she feels bad about, instead of self-reflecting and realizing it’s ok to fix bad habits, but still.